TV Review - MELROSE PLACE - SEASON ONE - 'Cahuenga'

Something needs to shake-up the horrible re-imagining of MELROSE PLACE that has been high on eye candy but low on acting, decent storylines and anything that we could actually care about.

Unfortunately, the addition of Heather Locklear in “Cahuenga,” reprising her role as Amanda Woodward, isn’t it.

As the owner of WPK public relations, she will do little do lift the show up to greater – and sleazier – heights sitting behind a desk and shoving Ella (Katie Cassidy) into her obligatory PR job of the week.

But that’s the role she was placed in, coming to the L.A. branch of WPK and firing Caleb (Victor Webster), who sat behind a desk and handed out Ella’s PR job of the week.

Seems like a waste of talent. If you are going to bring back one of the most popular stars from the original series, why pigeonhole her into being a storyline generator for Ella – and why is it every week we have to see Ella do a PR job?

Does she ever have a day off that isn’t drama filled or dealing with a drug/sex tape/unruly/alcohol celebrity? Isn’t one day just meeting with the press and pushing some new design? As a member of the media, I’ve met and deal with enough PR people to know it isn’t as glamorous or action-packed as it is for Ella.

And why is it that Ella is ALWAYS on the cusp of losing her job? First, Caleb threatened her job. Now, Amanda is doing it. Sigh. How about this for a storyline. She actually gets fired and finds greener pastures at another PR firm? Sorry, that’s probably too much rooted in reality.

The crux of “Cahuenga” was Ella trying to get Riley (the super hot Jessica Lucas) to lie about her past in order to create a working-woman type personality that will appeal to the mass market. Riley’s parents are quite wealthy and affluent but the storyline goes is she grew up as a troubled child and struggled to get where she’s at. This, of course, boils over at the party (yes, another party) for the launch of the jeans campaign where she’s forced to lie and lie and lie some more.

It cracks me up that they have to put Riley into these situations where she must play the role as something she’s not. Why even begin with the premise she’s a schoolteacher? That’s obviously completely boring as we haven’t seen one iota of her being in a classroom and all of her storylines have to deal with planning for a marriage, fighting with Jonah (Michael Rady), or becoming an unlikely model for a top designer. Why not just begin with her being a struggling model or actress that gets a big break?

You know what did shake-it up this week, that f**king amazing make-out session with Ella and the British bird trying to recruit her for a new agency (wait, didn’t I just say that would make a great storyline?). GOSSIP GIRL can promote itself has hot and sexy all it wants but it has nothing on that scene.

Wooo my biscuits are burning! Follow it up with the hot scene with Lauren (Stephanie Jacobsen) and David (Shaun Sipos) and perhaps this show is going in the right direction. Spicing up the sex and cutting back on the craptacular never-ending murder plotline and domestic squabbles between Riley and Jonah.

There was more sex in this episode alone than was in the other nine episodes combined. That’s not a bad thing. And once they get past this whole murder thing and Locklear gets out from behind the desk (as it appears she will in the coming episodes) this series might actually go somewhere.